Tantrum Three's + Grace

Tantrum Three's - is that a thing? (If not, I'm coining it right now.) Terrible Two's were nothin' compared to this! Am I right, Mama's!??

For the last several weeks, we have been stuck in the Tantrum Three's. I'm talking the embarrassing, football holds while kicking, screaming, pulling hair, and complete meltdowns where everyone else is looking at you anytime we have to leave anywhere kind of tantrum's. 

You read all of the parenting books, blogs, podcasts, and asking all of your friends for advice trying to do your best because of course MY child could NEVER act like this. We parent well and do the best we can striving to do the best and be the best, right? (Or maybe that's just my Enneagram 1 and excessively high standards coming out.)

Let me tell you about this thing called grace that my friend so kindly reminded me about when I was in the thick of it... 

We were chatting about all of the things I was dealing with and trying to figure out what I was doing "wrong" and how burnt out I was from the independence and not listening and tantrum's over and over again. I had mentioned to her that she had such bad separation anxiety leaving me to go to the kid's area at church and for the past three weeks in a row I had given up and just taken her in to "big church" with me. That's my time, I connect with God and reset myself for the week and fill my spiritual bucket - however, these last three weeks I've completely missed this because instead I was focused on entertaining a squirmy three year old. So she says, "why don't you just leave her at home this week." In my Enneagram 1 and excessively high standards I thought, but I can't - I am leading her to be in a relationship with God and to know Him, and so I've built in the rhythm of attending church every week and trying to model that as a parent. So she reminds me, "one week isn't going to halt that, you can miss a few and it will be ok, you can still go once a month and be ok, because this phase won't last forever and you're still doing your best. You can't be your best, though, if you're filling your spiritual bucket." Which is exactly what was happening. 

In that moment, I realized my "all or nothing" attitude was getting the best of me. I was so concerned about leading well and being that role model who built that rhythm into our family life, that I completely missed the piece called grace. Grace is God's undeserved kindness and love freely given to us. That undeserved kindness and love to give me permission to let go of the high standards because it wasn't doing us any good in those moments. In fact, it was causing me to not give that same undeserved kindness and love freely given to my own family, which isn't great either. 

So this is your reminder, that you too are allowed grace. That this season doesn't last forever. That you deserve to fill your spiritual bucket. Shift your focus to Jesus and watch your outcomes change. And remember, when you've had enough and your burnout gets the best of you... you're not alone! Take that step back and remind yourself of His grace and love, shift your focus, and get back in the game ;) 

(Also - some grace for this blog post... I think I was interrupted 32,534,123 times between my toddler and husband)

Pic below of the cutest golfer I've ever seen - she got to work on her game with Dad, while Mom got to enjoy church without interruptions!